RichardHarlos.com

Imagine that you’re walking down the street when suddenly a very warm liquid smacks you in the face! After the shock of that moment subsides you realize that you’ve been doused by coffee that was carelessly tossed out of a passing car. By the time you realize what’s happened, the car has travelled too far even to read the license plate.

How do you feel about what’s just happened to you? Shocked? Pissed? Ok, hold that thought and follow me a little farther into this scenario…

Later that day (after you’ve cleaned yourself up) you mention to a friend that people who toss their coffee carelessly out of their car windows are really selfish and your friend responds with some irritation, “Well aren’t YOU the judgmental one! I toss my coffee out the window all the time; does that make me a ‘bad’ person?”

You decide to ask them how they’d feel if they happened to be walking down the street one day and suddenly got hit with someone else’s coffee and they go silent. After a moment, you ask them if they’re going to answer the question and they reply, “I’m not going to answer because you’re just looking for a reason to argue; I got nothin’.”

So how do you feel about THIS encounter with your ‘friend’? Frustrated? Angry? Ok, hold onto that thought, too, because there’s one more scenario I’d like for you to consider…

Later that night (after your stalled conversation with your friend) you decide to share your feelings about the day’s events (both the coffee and the friend conversation) with a trusted family member. In describing both situations you’re hoping for some sliver of empathy but instead you’re told, “You know, sometimes people just don’t want to analyze things all the time. You can be overbearing sometimes and unless people see things your way, you just won’t let an issue go. I think the problem is that your technique for talking to people isn’t effective.”

I give up. Just for today, I totally surrender to the mindless, selfish reality that so many people–too many for my taste–are self-centered and inconsiderate when it comes to seeing, let alone considering, how their selfishness and thoughtlessness affect others.