I can hear the wheels in your head already spinning to the tune of something like this:
“Break up songs? It’s almost Valentine’s Day and you’re writing about BREAK UP songs? What are you, some kind of sick, morbid freak?”
No, the truth is, I’m going through a break up of my own. The woman I’ve been with for almost 4 years, and who just 80 days ago became my fiance, has called off our engagement… and our relationship as well.
Loving Departure
Now before you make any judgments about her or this decision, please hear me out. I love her. She loves me. There is no drama between us in terms of hatred or spite or bitterness or anything of the sort. In fact, we’ve talked about this decision and both of us agree that calling off the engagement and our relationship is the wisest decision we can make right now.
Again, I imagine I can hear you wondering, “I don’t get it, Rich… you’re both in love with each other but you both agree that breaking up is the best thing you can do? What gives?”
It’s complicated, dear reader, and the details aren’t nearly so important as the dynamics between us. You see, it’s precisely because we love each other that we recognize that neither one of us is truly ready for the kind of long-term relationship we’d been working toward. Both of us have some history, and associated baggage, and we found each other at the most crisis-filled point of our respective experiences.
Transition?
Traditional wisdom says that after a break up, particularly when the relationship was significant, each person can find comfort in a “transition person/relationship” where the encounter with another isn’t supposed to be significant, just a stepping-stone in the transition from “rejected” to “ok”.
She was never a transition person to me, and I believe with all my heart that I was more than that to her, too. I can honestly say I’ve never loved anyone like I love her. And I wish her nothing but the very, very best as we go our separate ways to deal with the things that need attention.
Some of you may think that we ought to stay together and work on things. We discussed that, and in fact have discussed it during the past few disagreements of some magnitude. Not this time, dear reader. Sometimes one must understand and exercise the power of goodbye.
Soulmates
She is my soulmate in every imaginable way and though neither of us is holding out for this outcome, it’s not impossible that we may end up back together at some point; that’s not a condition, promise, or even an implied possibility from either of us. Even so, though we may need this space and time for ultimate healing and recovery, our friendship shall remain intact for she truly is my best friend, and she says the same of me.
It wouldn’t be the first time that best friends have gotten together, right? {smile}
Anyway, that’s an awfully long and very personal introduction to the point of this post, which isn’t to announce my impending break up (though truth be told, it has already done that); this post is to share with others who also may be hurting over a broken relationship over this Valentine’s Day memorial.
The List Of Songs
I’ve found a list of the 15 best break-up songs of all time, which I will share with you now:
- Crying - Roy Orbison
- Everything About You - Ugly Kid Joe
- For No One - The Beatles
- One - U2
- Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright - Bob Dylan
- Piece Of My Heart - Janis Joplin
- Somebody’s Crying - Chris Isaak
- Separate Ways - Elvis Presley
- The One That Got Away - Tom Waits
- I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor/Cake/Tony Clifton
- Echo - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
- Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
- Delia’s Gone - Johnny Cash
- Long May You Run - Neil Young
- Another Lonely Day - Ben Harper
(list found on thecurrentonline.com).
Now then, this list is from February 2003 so there may be additional songs that ought to be on this list since then (or maybe you know of one from earlier that didn’t make the cut!). So here’s what I’m asking you to do.
Suggest Songs!
If a song came to mind while you were reading this article, please leave a comment and share it with us. Song title and performer are the minimum information needed; if you happen to know the year, the album and/or any trivia associate with the song, so much the better!
So please… help me, and so many others who are in a similar emotional state of mind by sharing songs that seem appropriate to you.
And for those who are quite happy in their relationship, may I take this time to wish you:
18 responses so far ↓
1 Maurice // Feb 14, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I can think of a few you’re missing that I would add to that list in no particular order:
Band Name Song Name
————————
Joy Division - Atmosphere
Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart Some Day
New Order - Blue Monday
New Order - Regret
I’ll probably have more later.
2 Albert // Feb 14, 2007 at 4:52 pm
One More Minute-Weird Al Yankovic
3 Sherri // Mar 8, 2007 at 8:14 pm
This is my profile song. This local band is not signed, but have recorded some nice music on there own. This is my break up?….down Song.
4 icspots // Apr 22, 2007 at 11:50 pm
Little Goodbyes - Shedaisy
5 Anonymous // Jun 11, 2007 at 11:05 pm
hello. i just wanted to thank you so much for your extremely insightful opinion. my boyfriend and i broke up a few days ago and you have no idea how much your column has helped heal me( and i don’t mean the list of songs). we are in pretty much the exact same predicament as you and your ex-fiancee were in and you are so right in that when you love someone that much, you sometimes need to exercise the power of goodbye. i hope that things will work out for the best for both of you in the end as they always do with so much love. thanks again- you have made our break up so much more bearable and that much more positive. best wishes.
6 Richard // Jun 18, 2007 at 12:30 am
Your comment humbles me. Thank you for your kind encouragement that my predicament has been of some use to someone else.
As for you, and your [ex] boyfriend, I wish you both only the very best going forward.
As for me, well… it’s been a very difficult path. I’ve spent hours in days crying, wondering, hurting… I’m not even sure I’m done yet but of this I am sure.
Even though our relationship was only for a season, it was good… worth remembering fondly… and she was a blessing, for a time, in disguise.
As of this writing, she has moved on to date another and I, well… I’m in a process of healing and self-discovery. I think I have embraced my pain more fully, face to face, and as a result I am moving on slowly, but with a sure and certain recovery.
My heart goes out to her because I’m not sure she’s really faced down her pain and as a result, I think she expends a tremendous amount of energy ‘trying’ to be over me/us. Unfortunately, she seems only more and more unsettled.
My wish for her is the same as for you but she cannot hear my heart in this matter and so, as much as it pains me, I must release her to her own devices… to her own choices and way of being and hope, beyond all appearances, that she finds herself first and foremost, and an enduring contentment as a result of that discovery.
I have, and do, love her… and likely always will in some way but I cannot save her or shelter her anymore. She has chosen to move on, and she must do so in the way that seems best to her.
As for me, I can only watch from afar and hope against all appearances to the contrary that she will one day face herself, and her pain, and truly heal from the inside out.
(Honey, if you’re reading this: aml4evr).
7 Meg // Jul 9, 2007 at 2:26 pm
I read your whole story and i just wanted to say thank you so much. I recently just ended something so special with my boyfriend. We both realized that we still have some growing up to do. So even though we both love each other like no other, we had to part ways. It hurt so much, but i think we both know that one day if it’s all meant to be it’ll work itself out. As of right now we are both with other people, trying to learn things about ourselves. And we are keeping our distance from each other, so that we aren’t as torn up about the situation. But thank you.
8 Richard // Jul 11, 2007 at 8:59 pm
Hi, Meg. Thanks for taking the time to share your story and gratitude. I wish you both (all) peace and contentment as you follow your own paths through life and, as you say, if it’s “meant to be,” perhaps the two of you will one day find your way back to each other; if not, perhaps it was better to find out now than many years from now where time and circumstances would only make it more difficult to break away.
9 Teresa // Aug 19, 2007 at 3:12 am
“How’s It gonna Be” by Third Eye Blind
“I Can’t Stay Away From You” Gloria Estefan
10 Michelle // Sep 11, 2007 at 8:56 am
better than me - hinder
awsm song but i think it’s so sad
11 Steven // Sep 29, 2007 at 12:45 am
Break-ups call for break-up songs. I mean stuff like Nazareth - Love Hurts or Europe - Carrie, even Night Ranger’s Sister Christian. That’ll get ya through anything.
12 Z3R0 // Oct 7, 2007 at 6:16 pm
“Pushing Me Away” Linkin Park…’nuff said
13 amr // Dec 6, 2007 at 2:40 pm
goodbye airsupply great song, it touches my broken heart,
14 nikki // Dec 14, 2007 at 1:47 pm
During the past couple of weeks I have had some songs that just made it easier to cope with everthing…
Tainted Love - By Soft Cell
Harden My Heart - By Quarterflash
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
I’m sure if you ever had someone leave you for someone else these songs would help as they have with me.
15 James // Dec 17, 2007 at 3:10 pm
WonderWall- Oasis
One Republic- Apologise
Mario-How Do I breathe
16 Erin // Jan 5, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Since You’ve Been Gone- Theory of a Deadman
17 katy // Jan 29, 2008 at 11:33 am
I just want to say that reading this has helped me a little i too went through the same last week both loved each other but it was time to say goodbye and reading this helps knowing that other people do go through it and your not alone… Iwish you all the best
18 Emma // Mar 28, 2008 at 7:51 am
leona lewis - Better in time
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